I read a lot about meditation. I took lessons. I did the 30 day challenge with Deepak and Oprah. I tried. Again and again. I failed. Again and again. Struggling with my feet falling asleep, my back complaining. Struggling with the feeling, that I simply can’t do it. Due to all the benefits of meditation, I couldn’t accept to not doing it. It was a catch 22.
My philosophy teacher in India was referring to the rising sun in his meditation lessons. He always said ‚I am the rising sun. I am shiva‘. I had to smile, it was kind of matching the situation, but I didn’t understand.
One day when doing my Ashtanga practice, I managed to focus that much on my breath, that my practice was nothing but intense deep breathing, while my body moved through the asanas. This felt so amazing and my only thought after practice was, THIS is meditation! A moving meditation.
This experience made me look closer to my definition of meditation: sitting in stillness, getting rid of all thoughts, calming down, release, finding peace within.
It was this definition, that was holding me back from meditating. Yoga is union and this is where meditation starts for me. Unite with myself. Going internal, connect with my breath. BE my breath. Feeling my love in my chest. Feeling the sun rising in me. Let it spread, let it shine. Being the rising sun. This deep connection is my meditation. And the journey to it is breath.
It doesn’t matter where I am or what I’m doing. It might happen while practicing, or walking my dog. I might be sitting, lying down, or cooking. It might take a couple of seconds, minutes or hours. It doesn’t matter.
There is no right or wrong. This is how I meditate. Your experience might be totally different. But if you are struggling, maybe this is some inspiration for you.
These are MY moments. My silent moments, my deep connection to myself. My meditation. My moments when I am SHIVA.